So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
