I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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