Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
