We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just invented taco cereal.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
