Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
