and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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