Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
