I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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