I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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