I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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