Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
