the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Vodka?
Forever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
