I think I died a long time ago.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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