if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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