My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
