My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
mondays should just be called national damage control day
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
