if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
