I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
