she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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