Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
