I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
