Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
