Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
