I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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