But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
