I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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