2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
