I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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