I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
