I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
