the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
