I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
