Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
