Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
