Screwed.edu
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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