So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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