I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
