from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
