Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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