I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
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