Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
