Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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