I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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