your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
