I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
