Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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