Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
