I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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