FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
