yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
