cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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