His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
