Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
