So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I met the friendliest cop last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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