Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
