Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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