I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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